BROADWAY’S BEST EMPLOYEES
Remember Employee of the Month, in which Zack Bradley and Vince Downey battled to become one?
Recently seeing the 2006 film started me wondering which characters in musicals would be contenders for Employee of the Month.
Hinesy in THE PAJAMA GAME is a sure contender. Listen to this efficiency expert describe his philosophy in “Think of the Time I Save.” He not only tells you of his productivity when on the job at The Sleep-Tite Factory but also reveals the atypical but adept maneuver that he does in bed.
(Now do I have your attention?)
Almost every week, Robby Hart has the chance to be Employee of the Month. As THE WEDDING SINGER, he sings to the bride and groom that “when my music starts to play, I can guarantee that love will find you … count on me, ’cause love is what I do.” The rest of the 2006 musical lets us see (and, best of all, hear) how sincere he is.
Although we only get a glimpse of Louis in SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE, two American tourists let us know that they regard him as the Employee of the Month. No – make that Employee of the Week, for that’s as much time as they care to spend in France, which they feel doesn’t compare to the Good Ol’ U. S. of A.
However, the couple can’t bear to part with the pastries that Louis makes, so they decide to take him home with them. It proves that Dot wasn’t exaggerating when she sang that “Everybody Loves Louis.”
Owen O’Malley and Oliver Webb would tie as Employee of the Month for having to deal with their bankrupt boss Oscar Jaffe, a flamboyant producer who once “ruled Broadway like a king.” You’ll hear them discuss him and his disasters during the terrific title song of ON THE TWENTIETH CENTURY.
But there’d be a six-way tie for Employee of the Month shared among Mayer Rothschild and his five offspring after the family’s first big financial victory; they celebrated it in the rollicking “Rothschild and Sons.” It’s such a great song that the 1970 musical, once called THE ROTHSCHILDS, now uses it as the musical’s title.
Every month of the year would make Ella Peterson (of BELLS ARE RINGING fame) eligible for the honor. As the switchboard operator at Susanswerphone, she caters to Madam Grimaldi, Junior Mallet, Max, Barton, Kitchell and Hastings. By the end of the show, she says (in a great 11 o’clock number) that “I’m Goin’ Back” to where she worked before. Unless you know the show (and you should) you’d never guess where that is.
Who could be a better Employee of Any Month than Toby in SWEENEY TODD? He did all that his boss Adolfo Pirelli (the former Danny O’Higgins) demanded; then, after Pirelli mysteriously disappeared, Toby was hired by Mrs. Lovett and became even more devoted to his new employer.
Toby assured her that nothing’s going to harm her – “Not While I’m Around.” It’s another of those Sondheim songs that belies the moronic, stranger-than-fiction belief that Mr. S. couldn’t write a tune you could hum. (Send away the clowns who think that.)
Rosie in BYE BYE BIRDIE would certainly have become Employee of the Month after dreaming up the inspired idea to find a Conrad Birdie fan to receive “One Last Kiss” from him before he headed out to Fort Dix and become Private Birdie.
As good as the song is on BIRDIE’s original cast album, check out the 1963 soundtrack. Lee Adams enhanced his lyrics by having a chorus sing an occasional “Yeah, yeah, yeah” – a mere matter of months before the thrice-repeated word would become associated with the Beatles, who had not yet reached America. They sang “Yeah, yeah, yeah” in “She Loves You” (not to be confused with SHE LOVES ME, which is very different).
People who are their own bosses should be eligible for Employee of the Month. That includes Doc Brown, who finished his time machine and discovered that “It Works.” Does it ever, as Marty McFly can attest in BACK TO THE FUTURE.
Christie, who opens the underrated musical KEAN, is also his own boss, too, but he doesn’t make his own hours; he must work whenever Edmund Kean, England’s first great stage superstar of the early 1800s, performs.
You thought that selling merchandise at a theater is a rather recent innovation? No, Christie was a merch vendor way back then; he sells the “hugest pictures of Edmund Kean, in Hamlet, Lear and Cymbeline” as he sings in “Penny Plain, Twopence Colored.”
What does that mean? As Christie sings, “If what’s in your pocket is mostly lint, buy his figure, but not his tint for a penny: penny plain. If you’re up with the people who can pick and choose, here he is in rainbow hues: rose-petal pinks and sea-bottom blues for a twopence: twopence colored.”
The song ends with the most glorious melisma. It’s sung so beautifully by Alfred DeSio that he deserved to be KEAN’s Employee of the Month during each of the three months that it ran.
And if Tess Harding can be WOMAN OF THE YEAR, the great TV anchorwoman certainly could make claim to have been an Employee of the Month 12 consecutive times – as she sings in John Kander’s ragtime-infused melody “I Wrote the Book,” on doing a good job.
DAMN YANKEES’ outfielder Joe Hardy would be the Employee of Many Months when he played for the Washington Senators. A batting average of .524 is 118 points higher than Ted Williams’ .406 that hasn’t been bettered in 83 years.
Strangely, none of Joe’s four songs involves baseball. He should have at least a reprise of “(You gotta have) Heart” after he’s spurred the hapless Senators into happy ones. Whoever thinks to give him a chance at the song in the 2026 Broadway revisal will be Broadway’s Employee for That Month.
Let’s not forget Miss Honey in MATILDA, who’s so impressed by “This Little Girl” who “need somebody strong to fight by her side.” Matilda’s teacher finds the strength she didn’t know she had, so she would not only be awarded Employee of the Month, but Mother of the Year, easily eclipsing Miss Hannigan for that honor.
Many workers who appear in WORKING would vie for Complainer of the Month. Not Chicago waitress Dolores Dante, who believes that “It’s an Art” to serve people: “You carry your tray like it’s almost ballet-like.”
Dante even provides “a twist to my wrist if I let a fork drop or cut up a porkchop or serve a New York chop. It all needs be stylish and smart. That’s what makes it an art.”
And that would make her Employee of Every Month.
Stephen Schwartz wisely set his lyrics to a waltz, still the most romantic of tempi. He even marked his sheet music “Verdi-esque, a la Traviata.”
Back in 1980, I was so taken with Dante’s healthy point-of-view that while in Chicago, I grabbed a phone book (then a fixture in hotel rooms), found her name and number, and dialed it. I wanted to tell her how I admired her. This was before many people bought answering machines, so the phone just range and rang.
Of course, Dolores wasn’t home. She was working.
Peter Filichia can be heard most weeks of the year on www.broadwayradio.com. His new day-by-day wall calendar – A SHOW TUNE FOR TODAY – 366 Songs to Brighten Your Year – is now available on Amazon and The Drama Book Shop.
